Mental Health and Pregnancy.

Firstly hello,

I want to take a moment to thank those of you that have continued to support my posts and stay with me through my inactivity since the Christmas period. To those of you waiting for content, I am so sorry it has taken this long! This blog is going to be very personal, I am about to be completely open and honest about my life over the last few months because I want to show you that is ok to not be ok and that it is ok to spend some time fixing yourself.

I had a beautiful Chirstmas full of love and family which made my heart very full. This year i spent Christmas in my own home with my boyfriend (Elliott) for the very first time, our first Christmas together and it was magical! The day was spent opening gifts and watching wholesome movies, we then went to his mother’s for Christmas dinner which was delicious, thankfully Covid-19 permitted us to be able to share Christmas which was great. After Christmas I started to feel unwell, not like Covid sick but I felt very flu like and the sickness wiped me off of my feet, literally I was stuck in my bed for a week. Thankfully I had my boyfriend there to help and support me, I started to have these pains in my stomach and I ended up taking a trip to hospital where we found out some very exciting yet very scary news, we were going to have a baby. Not how i imagined New Years Eve to go and the trip to A&E and having to find out alone was very scary but we are over the moon none the less.

Fast foward to telling our families, some were over-joyed some shock and taken aback which is understandable I am only 22 this is a big deal. It was hard finding out such big news, not because I didn’t want our baby I made the decision this was a positive thing right from the get go but it was more to do with the fact that I am in a new city. I have just moved here a year ago, because of Covid I have had to work from home all this time, no oportunity to meet friends, no fresh air, no family close by these were all very scary factors. We made the decision that our little city flat wasn’t the right place for a baby so quickly moved (STRESS) within the week to a 2 bed house- yet another life changing thing to take place.

Our new home is beautiful and our family is doing amazing, growing A LOT, I worried I am going to lose the ability to see my toes lol. However we are doing great, we found out that we’re going to be having a girl, a mini me and i know if she is half as crazy as I was I am going to have my work cut out for me. Elliott is already beside himself obsessed over her which just makes my heart swell. Although no one tells you what to expect when you are growing a tiny human inside of you, they say “oh well you will feel sick” yet fail to tell you that morning sickness ISN’T just a morning issue, IT IS ALL DAY AND NIGHT. No one warns you about the sleep, how you will literally fall asleep anywhere at any time, or how your whole body will ache, everything smells gross and you will literally forget everything.  Regardless of all of this I am so blessed and excited.

I do want to talk about something a little deeper though – about pregnancy and mental health.

Pregnancy is a life changing blessing and it is hard but pregnancy during covid is the hardest challenge I have ever faced. You fear for the safety of your baby anyway but in the middle of the pandemic it’s now twice as daunting. The appointments you have to do alone, everytime you go you have dreadful fear that you will be finding out something awful and to have to do that alone is terrifying. (SIDE NOTE: sending bigs hugs to all the women who suffered miscarriages, abortions or still births alone, I am here, please reach out if you need to talk) Lately my partner has been allowed to come and hold my hand which I am so thankful for. Similar you can’t see family- now my family live in a different country and not being able to share this experience with them is just dreadful. My parents will never get to see me pregnant or help out and they desperately want to. They can’t help me shop for baby supplies or have me over for dinner, my mum can’t keep me company when I am feeling low and in pregnancy YOU WILL FEEL LOW, that is completely natural. There are no classes to help you prior to birth, to help guide you on how to change a nappy, how to deal with birth or guide you on how to live with and care for a tiny human.

I feel like mental health is not something that is focussed on in pregnant women, we assume that all of their problems go away because society has this view that during pregnancy women should be happy as we chose to have a child, comments like “no one asked you to get pregnant” etc float around. But that is not the case, since being pregnant I feel extremely happy and positive because I now have something to look foward to something that will help shape me, however I also now feel panicked, stressed and spend way too much time overthinking. What if I am not a good mum? What if my baby doesn’t like me? What if I mess up? What if I don’t know how to care for my baby? What if something goes wrong? All of these thoughts invade every mums mind and you cannot tell me otherwise. These thoughts are scary and they keep you awake worried BUT they are natural, your worry shows how deeply you already care, you are mentally preparing yourself for the unknown. Don’t listen to all the people (and a lot of them are other women) who try to scare you, who tell you “oh you better get your sleep now, you better get that outfit now you won’t have any money left, you better eat that now after you won’t have the pregnancy excuse and so on”. Don’t let those people eat away at your experience, don’t give them the satisfaction of getting into your head, you DO NOT need anything else to worry about. The best piece of advise I have been given throughout this experience is to listen to your body, if you feel tired, you and the baby need some rest, you’re over working and tired out, if you are craving something eat it, that steak you’re envisioning is your body’s way of telling you that you need a little extra protein, that milk you’re thinking about means you need the extra calcium. Listen to yourself, you have got this, you will worry trust me you will, but you do know what you need you can do this, it is completely natural.

I haven’t had my baby yet, she is not due until September yet already I have medical professionals asking questions like what kind of birth do I want, will I breast feed etc, don’t let these professionals back you into feeling like you need to give an answer at your 12 week appointment that’s crazy! You are allowed to not know yet, you can have time to figure it out. Don’t feel like you need to do the method of birth that is deemed the best by society or because your mum did it that way or your friend, again listen to your body, in the moment I know that anything I have thought I will want will change, fear and adrenaline will take over… let it. Let your body do the work you will be fine. The people you love that you feel are nagging you are just trying to help. It is hard to see it now but they just want what is best for you, they are trying to make you at ease they’re just going about it in a way that they needed and are not thinking about it from your point of view.

The only people that truely matter in this journey are your partner, your baby and YOU. Let him (her/them) hold your hair back, let him hold you when you cry, please don’t be afraid of showing him your emotions, you are not weak you are pregnant your hormones are insane, give yourself some credit. What you feel, is what you NEED to feel, let yourself feel it everything else will fall into place.

Before I go I just want to say thank you in advance and also that this is just based on my experience I know every experience is different, and if you would like to share yours please reach out. Sorry for this being another none beauty themed blog, although pregnancy is beautiful. Also, if anyone does have anything they would like to talk about mental health related even not if you’re not pregnant I am here and I would love to help any way I can. Following that please like and share this blog, although if this only reaches one person and impacts them I will be extremely happy.

I will be trying to be more active I promise, thank you again, much love and stay safe, Jas x

(Special thank you to Elliott for being such a sweet and supportive soul throughout this journey, I cannot wait to share this with you and to meet our daughter, this blog does not even begin to cover everything you do for us!x)